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A Condition Brought Upon by Divorce

 

Commonly Experienced as:

an unwillingness or inability to let go of the past

an inability to focus on the future without fear

daily or weekly focus on enacting revenge

gossiping, whining and complaining about an ex

using children to punish an ex

using money to punish an ex

a pattern of confusion and an unwillingness to take personal responsibility for one’s part in the breakup of the marriage

an unwillingness or inability to take care of one’s appearance and health

a fear of dating, intimacy or marrying again

an unwillingness or inability to stop fighting with an ex

 

Are you suffering from Post Traumatic Divorce Disorder?

 

Are you being a victim?

  • Do your thoughts and beliefs about your past marriage continue to stop you from moving forward in your life?
  • Are you unwilling and unable to let go of the story of your marriage and divorce?
  • Are you still trying to win the approval of your ex?

When you think about the future, are you fearful?

  • Do you believe that you’re not lovable enough for someone to be with you?
  • Do you find it difficult to imagine focusing on yourself away from the story of your past?
  • Are you afraid that if you create a happy future for yourself, someone will take it away from you again or that you don’t deserve it?

Imagining ways to get back at your ex becomes part of everyday conversation.

  • Do you spend your quiet moments visualizing how to ruin your ex’s property, get their money, have them fired or get them into trouble with the law or the IRS?
  • How often do you imagine running into your ex on a date and ruining the relationship with mean-spirited information?
  • How often are you gathering news against your ex to share with friends, colleagues or parent-teacher meetings?

Talking about your ex is part of what you share with friends and family.

  • Do you continue to spend your quiet time comparing your ex and what they're doing with your circumstances?
  • Are part of family events spent catching up on what the ex is doing or not doing causing you to play the comparison game?
  • Do your friends continue to keep you aware of what your ex is up to, how they’re entertaining and socializing, and who they are dating?

Your children are not safe from your anger and resentments.

  • Because of your jealousy and envy, are your kids afraid to tell you what they do with your ex?
  • If your children express any hint of discontent or unhappiness when seeing their other parent, do you blow it out of proportion and create a big dramatic scene? 
  • Do you try to prohibit your ex from doing what they want with your children as a way of controlling their time together?

Do you find yourself making up excuses about money instead of honoring the agreement? 

  • Do you nickel and dime your ex because you can?
  • Do you unilaterally refuse to give any additional monies to the kids or for new activities because it’s not in the original agreement?
  • Does it take you months to fulfill debts and pay for kids’ activities putting stress on the other parent and your kids?

Are you still on it? 

  • Do you refuse to look at your part in the breakup? 
  • Are you blaming everything wrong to this day on your ex?
  • Are you exhausting? Do you let anyone who’ll listen, hear how much you know about marriage and relationships?

Have you let yourself go? 

  • Do you avoid eating well or exercising because “why bother?”
  • Are you blaming how you look on the fact that you’re single and alone?
  • Can you remember the last time you cared about how you looked or about your health?

You haven’t been intimate with someone new since your divorce.

  • Are you deathly afraid of getting close to another human being?
  • Are you too vulnerable to trust and become naked next to someone else?
  • As you go about your day, would you rather hide than be seen by a potential suitor?

You use your ex as an excuse for your moods.

  • When was the last time you felt free of worry, stress and anxiety around your new life?
  • Do you still find “innocent” ways to enrage your ex?
  • How addicted are you to your ex? Do you use your ex’s positive or negative attention as a way to get your ‘fix’ by them?

If you find yourself answering yes to many of these questions, it’s time to work through some of the ways you’ve allowed your divorce to keep you stuck. 

Post Traumatic Divorce Disorder can affect your self-esteem, your finances, your career prospects, your relationships with friends, family, relatives, your love life, and can destroy your health.

Working through the areas where you didn’t live up to being your best and mourning the loss of your marriage (because of who you were being or not being) takes a safe time and place. Don't wait another minute to get help.