What Will My Life Be Like Without Them in It Anymore?

Somewhere deep down inside, can you feel the excitement? The curiosity? The wonder? Where are you in your grief?  

If this separation is brand new, you’re probably still reeling and may not be feeling hope. (News flash: it takes a while to feel hope. Honestly.) But try this on for me: Excitement is the other side of a coin called fear. Do you see what I’m saying? We can call it fear or we can call it excitement! Either way, it’s right. I just offer excitement because I find it more empowering than fear any time!

So if you’ll allow me to stay on the excitement side of fear: How amazing is it to have a chance to start over—to figure out who you are without them holding onto a mirror of judgment and approval for you? To stand in your own shoes, on your own, surrounded by a new group of friends, family seeing you anew, colleagues in awe at your courage and heart?

Okay, you’re saying not everyone’s divorce turns out okay. You’re saying you’re still really whacked and you can’t wrap your head around being excited because… your friends are worse off, you’re afraid that your lifestyle will be worse off, and all you’re thinking about is getting married again. But all the good ones are taken! It’s tough to live in this story. It’s certainly one way of looking at your future, but it’s not helpful. In fact, living in this tale will keep you playing small. And because what you believe will come true,

I recommend you find some excitement; pull up your big boy pants and get to work creating the future you want to call your own.

I’m not saying it’s always going to be easy or smooth or fun but

divorce can be that good for us. It can make us aspire, to stretch and grow, and be amazing.

Without that kind of excitement, inspiration or belief, it’s a lonely, sad, very difficult story.

I believe your life can be amazing. I’m 100% sure that your life will be different, but it can be amazing. You can be amazing. You can become what you need to be.

You can make your life what you want it to be.

Laura Bonarrigo

New York, NY