People always ask about divorcing… how was it? how are you? My favorite, “do you have a good lawyer?”

Laura Bonarrigo, Divorce Coach

 

 

 

It can be exhausting fending off other people but it’s so common. Isn’t it crazy how our friends and family, those who have been with us through the questioning and inner thoughts still can’t understand if the decision to divorce is the right one? Seriously, it makes me wonder who we’re hanging out with!  

 

There are all sorts of reasons why people divorce and though it’s incredibly common, it’s also deeply personal.

That’s the painful part. That’s what makes it feel so utterly alone. Please don’t let anyone ever feed your fears. I know a lot of people who got divorced and none of them would ever say they did not try everything they could to improve their marriages… especially those with children.  

I’m sure there isn’t a single day that goes by when you’re not questioning your motives and having other people get into your head and make you second guess what you’re doing isn’t fair. It’s bad enough we carry a great big Scarlet D on our chests feeling everyone’s judgment and opinions. It’s worse when those around us, in trying to be helpful, simply pile on the stress and insecurity. So as it’s my aim is to help educate everyone on how to help those hurting beside us.

    Here are a few of my favorite phrases:

“Thanks for asking but all I want to do right now is …. get back to work … or hang out together … or go to the movies …. talk about anything other than my divorce.”

The idea is to show respect to your friends and family’s fears and anxieties. Divorce affects everyone, it has a ripple affect into all areas of our lives.

For those who are just getting to know me, I don’t advocate divorce just because, I do however take offense to those who question choices others have. I can assure you,

no one goes into getting a divorce lightly

and if you think they have, it’s time to keep your nose on your side of the fence! Individuals going through divorce need support, guidance, some fun, possibly a job or some new activities and a shoulder to cry on; they don’t need your judgment.  

One way you could help your friend or family member is to host a divorce party, watch a comedy together, plan weekly sports events or go to court with them. Each milestone a divorcee goes through is worth celebrating; each step in the process helps move the changes along.

People who are divorcing are hurting and like any grieving process, they need time to accept the changes and make a new life.

Be gentle and firm. Maintain some boundaries for yourself and you’ll be a friend who can be there through the end. I hope this helps you know what to say and understand what your family and friends are going through. These are changing times for everyone. Together, you’ll be okay.